I sit and wonder what it all means. I am an inquiring soul.
The synchronicities, glimpses of streaks of light and images, a timely tarot card, the path taken and the path not, the chance meeting of a friend, the words to a song, the random opening of a book, the article long forgotten that suddenly falls out of the journal, faded photos that spring to life, a haunting melody, the long lost letter you suddenly see sticking out from behind the dresser.
Dreams of days gone by--all separate happenings--but not! All strung together crossing the boundaries of past, present and future. The kite of my life that soars ever higher into unknown space.
The eternal spiraling in and out-ceaseless-ever changing. A mindful soul--a loving heart--a mind hungry for truth and wisdom. The winds of chance and change add to the mix and again the direction is different. The deep resonance of the drum that transports me to another dimension-another world-a place where my spirit guides dwell--a place of peace and calm.
The perfect question asked of me and the answer that storms from my depths, that has been waiting a lifetime to be released.
Someone, somewhere is calling my name--ever so softly. Where are you? What do you want?
Confusion gives way to clarity and I actually hear the "click" as the puzzle piece snaps into place.
It has been four months since my last post! Time certainly ticks by.
A dear friend of mine, who periodically checks my blog, recently commented that I have not blogged in a long time and thought it odd, since so much has been happening in my life of late. My response was that I did not really know what I was comfortable sharing, and so much of my time since my last post has been consumed with what has been happening in my life! Hmmmmmmm.
Let me share some of what has been going on.
On October 31, 2008, I committed myself to a year of "calling the crone". This year will culminate on October 31, 2009, with my Croning Ceremony. Another friend and sister-priestess, Bryn, suggested I take the year to prepare and go deep into my soul to make myself ready to pass through these gates of transformation and step onto a new path as Crone. I have also prayed to my Matrona, Hecate, to guide me in this endeavor.
Well, much has been happening--dreams, wide awake experiences, images in my mind's eye, and amazing tarot cards. I know that I have asked for all of this when I prayed to Hecate to mold and temper me this year--but I never expected it to be so very intense, sometimes painful and always emotional. To this sentiment, my wise friend replied:
"I am surprised at that statement my Dear. What did you expect? You have crossed a threshold and it should be intense. Every emotion must come into full play. What good would experience in only one emotion be? How can one become a true spiritual person without first knowing where their mind can go in all directions? How can one hope to understand someone else's emotions if they have never experienced it for themselves? I know you have felt pain, sorrow, happiness, and other emotions, but now you are experiencing them in a spiritual sense."
What did I expect---indeed!! To be sure, I have taken these very wise words to heart and I have really slowed down and been more in the moment. I am quiet and listen more. I do a lot of sitting outside. There is a lot of energy around and in me right now. It sometimes feels like I have the Northern Lights INSIDE me--swirling and changing colors!
My tarot cards have all been about change, transformation and letting go of the old. All so very appropriate for me, especially now.
I look back along the path and I can no longer see my beginning point, for it is shrouded in the mist of yesterday. I know better than to worry about tomorrow--but, alas, I am but human, and I do sometimes yearn to know what is yet to be. And then Hecate gently reminds me that my life and my tasks are here on the road just in front of me, not up ahead around the bend. Her torches light the small section of the path that I am on--not the entire way.
My emotions are on high alert and I have been just going with them. It is powerful to accept what one is feeling and allow those feelings to emerge, unashamed.
So, though I journey on toward what waits around the bend, I relish each step more, being in the moment and listening with my whole being for that which is offered by the Great Mother in love, wisdom and perfection.
The American Heritage Dictionary says peace is: "the absence of war or other hostilities; an agreement or treaty to end hostilities; freedom from quarrels and disagreement; harmony; public security and order; serenity; peace of mind".
Where does one find peace?
In the words of a treaty or cease fire? In the final settlement papers of a divorce? In the words of an impassioned speech? Seeing police cars cruising your neighborhood?
Can peace ever be attained?
I don't know the big answers. I don't know if there will be peace on earth. I don't know if all wars will cease. I don't know if inhumanity will be replaced with love and kindness.
I don't know.
I do know that I choose to cultivate peace in my life, and in so doing, I believe it will grow. Why? Because the seeds of peace are hardy! Because so long as one person believes in peace it will not die.
What can we do to practice peace?
First, forgive yourself for whatever needs forgiving and let it go. Stop warring with yourself and find the joy that is surely there. Then, smile from your heart at those you meet.
I have just returned from a mini vacation to Santa Cruz, California. There I stayed with my dear friend and sister priestess, Bryn. I also had the opportunity to spend some time with two other friends and sister priestesses, Lunaea and Julie. We had such a lovely time together. Even though I do not get to see these women as often as I would like, the time we do have together is precious. I am struck by the thought that we create community when we gather together--even for just a little while.
We caught up on each others lives, talked about new endeavors coming our way, shared art we had made and I even got a mini lesson on a particular technique for beading!
At home, I also belong to a community of like-minded loving women traveling their own paths which very fortunately intersect with mine on a very regular basis.
Community is important to me. It is the art of sharing, caring, encouraging and supporting one another. Community revitalizes me and keeps my steps light upon my path.
A worthy question, which I have been thinking about quite a bit lately, realizing that we serve everyone. To everyone we come in contact with, no matter how briefly, we either do a service or a disservice. The way we look at someone--did we smile or frown; our tone of voice--was it friendly or unfriendly. Did we acknowledge or ignore, were we patient or impatient, tolerant or intolerant. Were we compassionate or did we exhibit a lack of compassion. That brief encounter defines us--it is a small but telling glimpse into who we are.
We have a choice to make a difference one encounter at a time. As each new day dawns, I reverently speak my intentions to be at my personal best for the highest good of all, to listen for the Great Mother's voice, and to contribute to the betterment of my community.
The words to a song from "Rent" invade my mind: " . . . no other road, no other way, no day but today . . ."
For me there is no other road but that which the Goddess has set me on, no other way but Her way, and; truly there is no other day but today!
Last evening on the occasion of the new moon, I met my dear friend Tyra for some girlfriend time. We had delectable things to eat and drink and we spent a great deal of time talking about everything. When we were finished, we took a walk and made our way into one of my favorite stores, Ten Thousand Villages. There I was drawn to an hour-glass shaped drum that was hanging on the wall. I immediately took it down, hung it on my shoulder and began to drum. The sound was so intimate and gentle, it was soothing to the soul. I bought the drum and include pictures of it here.
In July of 2007 I made my first frame drum from deer skin. It was a very beautiful, sacred experience for me. In January of this year, I started attending a monthly drum circle and fell in love with drumming.
The steady beat of the drum is such a soothing balm for me. The deep boom-boom calling me to loosen and let go the cares of the day, creating visions of ancient ritual in my mind's eye, filling me with sacred energy.